Thursday, May 31, 2007

Doubts and more doubts..

Here I am with only 2 more days away to my exam and more and more doubts started to creep into my mind while I'm struggling and trying hard to squeeze all the 5 books' facts (which are equivalent to 5 modules!) into my mind with the hope that I will remember each and every formula and fact listed in the bookson the actual day of the exam. Doubts that floated into my mind:

1) Sheet! What the heck am I doing studying the hell out of my life, while the rest are enjoying their working lives or nuaing. I kept on thinking what my colleagues are doing at work and even thought about the yoga session that I have missed on last Tuesday. Why am I going back to my usual studying days when I have graduated already? That was abit enough to make me feel demoralised.
2) Friends could relax and go out on yesterday evening and today, which is a public holiday while I have to stay at home and stare at my books, fighting against time.
3) Started to have doubts over whether I should have taken up the challenge to take this exam...because the overall certificate will only matter if I have joined the banking sector for at least 3 to 5 years. But at the present moment, still contemplating whether I should even leave my current job. Hey, but taking this exam is the first step to get out of my routine job!
4) The exam stress is starting to take its toll on me...started to have insommia and slight panic attacks over the last few days. Even during undergraduate days, I didn't have such things happening because I have more than sufficient time to prepare. This caused me to doubt whether I can take the high stress level in the financial sector, whether I should just stayed in my present comfort level. Sigh...

Well...but upon thinking back that I have beared with all the studying and sacrificing of personal time to relax for the 6 past months, how can these 3 mere days be compared with that! How can the usual, strong-will me take such a step back and get so easily demoralised? Sigh...enough with the grousing and grumbling...I better go back and hit the books again.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

こわい Scary!!

Yesterday evening as I was walking along the bridge towards Central Mall with two of my colleagues, we saw an old Indian man, who was half naked (wearing a pair of very old shorts) walking towards us. He had overgrown his beard and thus looked like an unkempt person. I tried not to notice him much as I walked past him, however he started laughing as we passed him.

His laughter is not like those kind of chirpy, happy laughter, instead it sounds very, very eerie. The moment he started to laugh, I can feel my shivers going down my spine. Even though the street was quite bright and there were two colleagues beside me, I can't help but feel afraid: mainly afraid that something bad will happen (my footsteps also quicken at the same time as I was afraid of being near him) I have never experienced this kind of fear even when I attend those "fright night" (whereby pple will dress up as ghosts to scare people) organised by camps. *Touch wood!* Hope I didn't see anything dirty! Well, if that person was to act in a horror film, I think he will win the best actor award. So scary ah! Think I'm still abit tramuatised by the laughter.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Personality test

I was reading LL's blog and came upon this personality test link that she has shared. So out of curiousity and a strong interest in doing such personality test, I tried doing it, and voila, the answers generated are the most accurate that I have ever seen. So here it goes:

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

I'm not really sure whether I really do possess these attributes but it's definitely flattering to me to know that. It's really great that people are naturally attracted to me, so maybe that accounts why I'm talkative? LOL

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Yep, I do like such people. Being brainy is not enough, it's sexy to me if a person has the resolve to achieve what he has set out to do. Although good looking does help to create a good impression (but somehow, people who are good looking always appear dao to me), a good character does count much much more.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

Perhaps that's why I know Nekki for 2 yrs before we decide to get together. I tend to be a cautious person: I must know all his weaknesses and decide whether I can truly accept them before I get together with him.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Being brought up in a male-dominated family, I will tend to treat guys like they are my brothers while towards girls, I will tend to be sweeter towards them. I just can't imagine myself being sweet towards guys, it's just make me go *yucks*. Maybe that's why guys find me being straightforward?

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

Yep I definitely do not like to study. However, in such a meritocratic society, I still have to study hard in order to get a decent job with a decent pay. So that accounts for my practicality. But unusal job? Perhaps I will end up having a job that actually pays me highly for travelling around? LOL

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

Well, I'm currently stuck in a secure job with a steady pay although it does get boring at times.*Think a lot of people will beat me up for saying this* But I'm still trying to figure out what I really like to do, so before it happens, I will be in my current job.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

Yep, I definitely need all the courage to do what I really like to do (once I figure it out first). Can't imagine slogging hard for a job that I hate to do.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Although I hate to admit it, yes, that is one of my weakest point. I do sometimes mind how people view me and sometimes it does exhaust me mentally when I try to conform to them. But I'm already starting to let my true self surfaces, as long as my conscience is clear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Yep I do agree that I do have some mood swings, but it's more towards being bored easily. So when I'm bored, I will be sian and so on. Hence I always need new things to occupy me. Nekki, if u are reading this, u know what to do right? *wink wink*